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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27327265">In Vino Veritas (In Wine, There is Truth)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/badskippy/pseuds/badskippy'>badskippy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bagginshield One-Offs [44]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drunk Kíli, First Kiss, Idiots in Love, M/M, Snogging, True Love's Kiss, funny drunk kili, oblivious idiots</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:41:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27327265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/badskippy/pseuds/badskippy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili is drunk.  Very Drunk.  And all he wants to do is snog someone.  Anyone!   But he also thinks his Uncle and their burglar should be snogging too!  The only problem is, said Uncle and burglar are oblivious idiots.</p>
<p>But Kili does speak the truth ...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bagginshield One-Offs [44]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/415210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>185</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In Vino Veritas (In Wine, There is Truth)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdee/gifts">Nerdee</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neeka/gifts">Neeka</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetle/gifts">beetle</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquileaofthelonelymountain/gifts">aquileaofthelonelymountain</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>                “You know what I need?” Kili slurred.</p>
<p>                “Two days to recover?” Fili answered dryly, hefting Kili up, trying his hardest to keep his extremely intoxicated brother upright.</p>
<p>                “I need a snog,” Kili said, giving Fili a soppy smile.</p>
<p>                “Well … don’t look at me,” Fili stated, turning a little red.</p>
<p>                Kili instantly pouted.  “What happened to ‘Brotherly Love’?”</p>
<p>                Fili rolled his eyes and shook his head.  “That is <em>not</em> what that phrase means.”</p>
<p>                “Too bad,” Kili muttered, dejected.</p>
<p>                “Mahal save me,” Fili prayed.  “Let’s get you to bed.”</p>
<p>                Kili stopped and looked at his brother, confused.  “First you say no and now you say yes?”</p>
<p>                Fili had no answer to that question.  But suddenly, there was hope; Bilbo came around the corner.  “Bilbo!  Can you …” Fili grunted as he hefted his slowly sinking brother up, “help me, please?”</p>
<p>                Bilbo smiled, almost smirking, at the pair.  “Did someone have a bit too much of that Elven wine from Mirkwood?”               </p>
<p>                Fili huffed out a sigh.  “Elven wine, a little of the Dale Dark-Ale, a few pints of that Beer from Rohan, and, of course, a good sampling of Shire Spirits brought in with the last shipment from The Blue Mountains.”</p>
<p>                Bilbo laughed.  “I’m surprised he’s still <em>living</em>, let alone <em>standing</em>!”</p>
<p>                “He’s not standing,” Fili said with another heft.  “That’s why I need your help.”</p>
<p>                “You know what you need, Bilbo?” Kili said, giving Bilbo a big grin.</p>
<p>                “Careful, Bilbo,” Fili warned.</p>
<p>                “You need a snog,” Kili answered his own question.</p>
<p>                Bilbo blinked.  “I beg your pardon?”</p>
<p>                “A snog,” Kili insisted with another hiccup.  “A good long sloppy, Dwarven, snogging session.”</p>
<p>                “I … I’m …” Bilbo stuttered.  “Flattered at the offer, but—”</p>
<p>                “No, no, no, no, no, no!” Kili said shaking his head vigorously.  “Not with me!  No, no, no, no, no, no, no.  You need to have one <em>*hiccup*</em> with Uncle!”</p>
<p>                Bilbo sputtered, “Wh … wh … what?!”</p>
<p>                Kili nodded again.  “You’re so … cute.”</p>
<p>                “Cute?!”</p>
<p>                “So soft and cuddly.”</p>
<p>                <em>“Cuddly?!”</em></p>
<p>                “You’re like a fluffy little bunny.”</p>
<p>                Bilbo turned beet red.  “Kili, I am not amused, and—”</p>
<p>                “I know Uncle would just love to …” Kili said, swiftly reaching out and taking a Dwarven handful of Bilbo’s buttock. “Take a hold of your tooshy.”</p>
<p>                Bilbo slapped Kili’s hand away.  “Stop that!”</p>
<p>                “And I know you’d love to snog with Uncle.”</p>
<p>                “Kili!  Drunk or not, I do not apprec—”</p>
<p>                “He’s broad and strong and has that lovely beard,” Kili’s grin turned lecherous.  “Imagine what it would feel like to have a Dwarf beard on your naked—”</p>
<p>                “What’s going on?!”  Thorin said, coming up behind that trio.</p>
<p>                “Nothing, Uncle!”  Fili insisted.  “I was just taking Kili to—”</p>
<p>                “We were talking about you and Bilbo snogging,” Kili said.</p>
<p>                “WHAT?!”  Thorin was instantly incensed.</p>
<p>                Which of course, Kili missed, nodding at his uncle.  “You know you’d like to have a good snog with Bilbo!  Who wouldn’t?!”</p>
<p>                “Get him to bed!”  Thorin ordered Fili.</p>
<p>                “Yes, sir,” Fili said, pulling Kili along.</p>
<p>                “What’s their problem?” Kili asked Fili as he was led to their room.  “Everyone knows they wanna!”</p>
<p>                The boys rounded the corner and Bilbo and Thorin were both left to fume over Kili’s words.  Both taking deep breaths to calm and collect themselves.   It took a few long seconds but Bilbo broke the silence.</p>
<p>                “They say, In Wine, There is Truth.  But in Kili’s case …”</p>
<p>                “One would have to have a brain to begin with for there to be wisdom!”  Thorin barked.</p>
<p>                Bilbo chuckled at that.</p>
<p>                “Bilbo, I’m sorry if he upset you.”</p>
<p>                “No, no,” Bilbo said, giving Thorin a quick smile then looked away.  “He’s drunk and … doesn’t know what he’s saying.”</p>
<p>                “What <em>did </em>he say?” Thorin asked softly.</p>
<p>                “Nothing, just …”</p>
<p>                “Just …”</p>
<p>                “Well, he … he … said you want to snog me,” Bilbo said, rushing to add, “Which is utterly, totally ridiculous!”</p>
<p>                Thorin slowly nodded his head, saying quietly, “Because you feel kissing a Dwarf would be … repugnant.”</p>
<p>                Bilbo was wide-eyed.  “What?!  No!!  That’s not …”</p>
<p>                “So, you would kiss a Dwarf?”</p>
<p>                “Well … I … that’s not …”</p>
<p>                “So, it’s still a no?”</p>
<p>                Bilbo was getting warm and he continued to sputter.  “Thorin … it’s not a question whether-”</p>
<p>                “It is a question.  It’s a Yes or No question.”</p>
<p>                Bilbo finally huffed and leaned back against the wall for support.  “This isn’t about <em>us!</em>  It’s about Kili!”</p>
<p>                “Kili isn’t here and <em>it is</em> a question about you and a Dwarf … snogging,” Thorin stated, a smile in his voice.  “But since you brought up ‘<em>Us</em>’ … maybe it’s only a matter of you not finding … <em>me</em> … attractive enough to kiss.”</p>
<p>                Bilbo stilled.  “That’s not true.”</p>
<p>                “Isn’t it?”</p>
<p>                “No.  Kili said that … that you were strong and … and broad and … you had a … lovely beard.  And it is … rather … lovely.  You are … very … handsome.”</p>
<p>                Thorin smiled softly.  “Thank you.”</p>
<p>                “But, you …” Bilbo looked away; Thorin’s eyes were so blue and Bilbo felt as if they could look right through him.</p>
<p>                “But … what?”</p>
<p>                Bilbo didn’t answer.</p>
<p>                Thorin murmured, “Bilbo.  What is it?  What is there … between us that you cannot, or … <em>will not</em> ... say?”</p>
<p>                Bilbo closed his eyes and took a breath to steady himself, confessing quietly, “You are handsome.  Very attractive.  But … you couldn’t ever find a … fussy, annoying, <em>insufferable</em> Hobbit attractive in return.”</p>
<p>                Thorin leaned forward, they were but a breath apart, and whispered, “I was wrong to call you those things because you aren’t any of them.”</p>
<p>                “Aren’t I?”</p>
<p>                “No.  You are loyal and brave, kind and forgiving.  You are clever and strong … strong in ways that amaze and humble me.”</p>
<p>                What more could they say.  Bilbo opened his eyes and turned to gaze at Thorin, as he reached out and placed a hand on one of Thorn’s lovely, bearded cheeks, just as Thorin tilted his head and leaned down, their lips meeting.  The kiss was both soft and powerful, like a soft rolling thunder of a rainstorm was powerful.  Thorin could not help himself and he too reached out and gently drew Bilbo to him. </p>
<p>                How long the kiss lasted, they couldn’t say, but after what felt like a short eternity, they parted and stood there, foreheads together, sharing the air between them, content, softly whispering to each other.</p>
<p>                “Bilbo?”</p>
<p>                “Yes?”  </p>
<p>                “Would you care to continue this conversation … in private?”</p>
<p>                “Only if by<em> ‘conversation’</em> you mean without words.”</p>
<p>                “Of course.  As you wish."  Thorin smiled.  "My chambers?”</p>
<p>                Bilbo smiled slyly.  “Yes.  You do have a bigger bed.”</p>
<p>                Thorin took Bilbo’s hand and led him towards his bedroom. </p>
<p>                They were so intent on each other, that they did not even hear Fili shout from behind Kili’s door, “Kili!  Get your hands out of my pants!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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